


jan gets pegged

by Scourgefan12



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, kind of? they DO start out hating each other, pretty much all of millennium is there but nobody else is rlly mentioned by name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27502456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefan12/pseuds/Scourgefan12
Summary: Jan and Zorin have a very turbulent relationship.
Relationships: Zorin Blitz/Jan Valentine
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	jan gets pegged

Jan Valentine and Zorin Blitz were two of the most volatile members of Millennium.

Jan was an obnoxious little shit with a penchant for violence. He took a special type of joy in tormenting others, whether it be mentally or physically. Though, when it came to his fellow Millennium members, he normally stuck to non-physical assaults, knowing that just about anyone here could kick his ass. And also knowing that the higher ups could easily kill him if they thought he was genuinely trying to harm the others.

Really, calling what he usually did "torment" might have been exaggerating a bit. Harassment might be a more accurate way to describe it. He was much like a schoolyard bully, except without any of the intimidation. People weren't scared of him, they were annoyed by him.

And really, that was fine by him. He loved it, actually. Making people mad at him was one of his favorite forms of entertainment. Whether it was due to his habit of making sexual comments toward anyone and everyone around him, or through personal jabs, or even petty insults. The method didn't matter, as long as whoever he was talking to was thoroughly pissed off then he'd be happy.

And then there was Zorin. 

One thing to note about Zorin, was that she was extremely quick to anger. She'd get annoyed even by normal, everyday behavior from the others. 

Though she also had a bit of a passion for violence, she wouldn't inflict it on the others. Usually. She wasn't an idiot, she knew that her actions had consequences. There were times where, if someone really couldn't take a hint and leave her alone, she'd do some mild things like shoving or grabbing them by the wrist or shoulder hard enough to cause pain. Just enough to threaten them, let them know that if they didn't fuck off then she could hardly be held responsible for what happened to them. Outside of that, she was fine with restricting herself to verbal barbs and occasional yelling.

Zorin wasn't overly antagonistic, at least not most of the time. If someone was getting on her nerves then she'd have no reservations about insulting them, but she wouldn't go out of her way to start fights. If her actions got her caught up in one then she wouldn't complain, but she would at least put a little effort into avoiding such a thing. 

As one could imagine, these two did not mix very well. You would expect these two to absolutely _hate_ each other, for them to be at each others throats any time they're in the same vicinity. And you would be right... kind of.

When they first met, saying that they couldn't stand each other would be an understatement. Jan loved being around someone who was so easy to anger, Zorin was one of his favorite people to bother. He would pester her until he was either dragged away, or until things escalated.

Since his brother couldn't be expected to look after him and keep him out of trouble all the time, things would usually end up escalating.

Zorin's 'no violence against other millennium members' thing very rapidly stopped applying to Jan. She wouldn't hesitate to take a swing at him, or wrap a hand around his throat, or even swing her scythe at him if she had it on her. Thankfully, he had good reflexes, so he rarely ended up getting seriously hurt. And even if he did, he had the benefit of being a mostly immortal vampire with decent regeneration abilities, so it wasn't like a little injury would put him in actual danger.

Jan would fight back when things got physical, obviously. He wasn't the type to just not defend himself. He seemed to love the chance to do this, actually. Whether it was because he was happy to have the chance to participate in a proper strife, or because a physical fight gave him an excuse to put his hands on Zorin, it was hard to tell. Realistically, it was probably a little of both.

He didn't have as much brute physical strength as her. He also didn't have the luxury of using a weapon, since as resilient as Millennium's artificial vampires were, there was no way in hell he could get away with just whipping out a gun and shooting someone. Even though she'd most definitely be fine, he knew that shit just wouldn't fly. So, he was restricted to bare hands combat most of the time, unless he happened to have a knife on him or something.

This meant he had to rely on things like speed and and cunning if he wanted to have the upper hand. Easier said than done, but once he got used to her fighting style he could manage to at least hold his own.

Of course, they could only beat each other black and blue and get their blood all over the place so many times before people ended up getting sick of it.

Doc in particular really hated it. He was the one who would have to look over them after the fact and confirm that, yes, they'd be fine. If they wanted he could help slow the bleeding faster, but he mostly just opted to let their regenerator abilities take care of things. There was no point in wasting his medical resources on something that would heal by itself.

On top of that, actually cleaning up the blood they spilled was a pain in the ass. At first Major had them handle it, since it was their mess, but after this resulted in them just starting up another fight, it was clear that wouldn't work.

So eventually, the two of them were put on a tighter leash. They'd have to be monitored even more closely, to make sure they wouldn't end up assaulting each other, or to make sure if they did then it could be broken up in a reasonable amount of time.

This ended up working decently well, if only because they knew they could only get away with disobeying the "for the love of god stop trying to kill each other" rule so many times before the higher ups decided they were more trouble than they were worth and terminated them.

They would still antagonize each other, they'd do so a hell of a lot actually. But they'd usually have the sense to break it up before getting physical. And if they didn't, then someone around them would.

Things went on like this for a while. They'd make a token effort to avoid each other, end up encountering each other and have at each other for a bit before separating, either forcefully or of their own volition.

Really, you'd think if they hated each other so much that they'd actually put a little effort into staying away from each other. But, Jan seemed to find the amusement worth the aggravation, and Zorin seemed to enjoy whatever fucked up rivalry they had going on, so there was rarely any real attempts at avoidance.

It was still a headache for everyone around them, but it was significantly less awful than before, so it wasn't like there was much room for complaint. 

And then after some time something... changed. It seemed small at first, but was clearly rather significant.

The two of them stopped having to be separated, for one. Which could easily be chalked up to them finally getting it through their skulls that they weren't supposed to be literally at each others throats, that the new rules they were given existed for a reason. They could've just learned to follow orders and think critically.

That would be believable, if you didn't take how they started interacting with each other into account.

They didn't _get along_ , not in the traditional sense. But considering how the two of them behaved, their relationship could pass for legitimate comradery. 

They still gave each other shit, but it seemed less hostile. It resembled mutual banter more than actual fighting. Sometimes they even went as far as to actually seem _happy_ in each others presence.

That isn't to say that they just stopped getting angry at each other, such a thing would be an honest to god miracle. But they didn't get _as_ upset, usually sticking to mild annoyance. And even then, they'd seem kind of amused. This sort of thing wouldn't be so strange if it was just one of them, one laughing at the other's pain was actually a very common thing. But _both_ of them? Something didn't add up.

Add that to the fact that they seemed to be spending even more time together than before and it was clear that there was something very fishy going on.

Now, you might think that two people putting aside their past conflicts and becoming friends isn't actually that strange, but you'd be very wrong. For anyone else that might be normal, but not these two. It just didn't make sense.

Mainly because Zorin wasn't one to let go of grudges easily, and Jan wasn't the type to play nice even if someone were trying to be decent towards him.

But despite how little sense it made, they clearly didn't hate each other anymore, and everyone else was perplexed by this. The others debated among themselves, trying to figure out what could've happened.

Obviously they hadn't just talked things out like civil adults, the very idea of such a thing happening was laughable.

One theory was that their malice had simply burned out. They were sick of fighting all the time, so they were giving the whole friendship thing a try. This was kind of silly, but it was believable enough. Especially if you took how easily Jan could get bored into account.

Another widely accepted possibility was that Zorin had enough and had used her powers to peer into Jan's mind, intent on dredging up a memory horrible enough to get him to leave her alone. While doing this, she could have seen something truly pitiable, something that actually made her feel bad for him. This was a bit hard to believe due to her severe lack of empathy or care for others, but it wasn't completely out of the question.

Or maybe one of them really had pushed things too far, and one of them had gotten seriously hurt. Like for real, in a way that actually mattered. And because of this, they agreed on a truce. This seemed unlikely since if such a thing happened, Doc would surely know, since it was doubtful that the two of them could handle something like that on their own.

At the end of the day, how it happened didn't actually matter too much. No matter what transpired between them, the result was the same. And knowing what had happened wouldn't make this whole thing less strange for everyone else.

It was especially weird the more they got used to each other.

One of the oddest, and perhaps most sickening things for the outside observers were the nicknames. They were basically just insults, but they were clearly said with some degree of affection.

Zorin would call Jan things like "little shit" or "fucking insect" or similar terms of degradation. This wasn't very different to how she talked to the people she was planning to kill, but this was different. Instead of the usual cruel grin or glint of sadistic murderous intent in her eyes, she'd just have a normal, amicable smile.

Jan's usual brand of insults leaned toward the more vulgar side, things like "blimp tits" or "cock sleeve" although sometimes he'd get a little more creative, using names like "ogre". Once he even called Zorin "babe" which of course caused the others to get highly suspicious. 

Nobody asked anything, obviously, since getting a straight answer from one of them was about as easy as pulling teeth. Jan would probably dance around the question, changing topics before giving any useful information. And Zorin would just tell you to fuck off, that whatever was going on between them was completely not anyone else's business.

And to be fair, that was true. It wasn't anyone's business but theirs, and they were under no obligation to tell the people they knew what the deal between the two of them was. Still, you couldn't blame people for getting curious.

Especially when they started getting physical in a non-violent way. It started small, she would use his head as an armrest, he would wrap a hand around her wrist and drag her around with him. Things like that.

Like most things between them though, this escalated. Not to the same insane degree as every other interaction between them, but still.

Jan stopped grabbing her by the wrist and decided to just go straight for her hand. Sometimes not even to try and drag her somewhere, but just because he felt like it. If confronted about this he'd insist that they were absolutely _not_ holding hands, this was _different_. 

He'd also sometimes wrap his arm around her waist, which was a testament to how close they really were, since if anyone else tried something like that she'd probably tear their arm clean off.

Zorin wasn't overly physical, mostly just letting Jan do things, the most she'd usually go out of her way to do was rest an arm around his shoulders. Although if she was feeling especially agreeable, she'd sometimes pick him up. Not in an overly intimate way, it was actually very similar to how people who weren't familiar with cats would lift up a cat.

He would squirm and complain, but also much like a cat, would eventually go limp and just let it happen, only looking mildly grumpy. 

She said this was so he could learn what it was like to be tall, to which he would respond with an eye roll and a 'fuck you'. As well as a good few other insults. Though once she was looking away, he'd usually end up cracking a smile.

It was... certainly a sight to behold. The others weren't really sure what to make of it, except that it was really fucking weird and that they would really rather not have to see it. They'd wished that Jan and Zorin would stop fighting, and the finger on the metaphorical monkey's paw had curled.

It wasn't like there was a nice way to say "hey, i miss when you two were always trying to kill each other" though, so this is what they were stuck with. They may as well try to get used to it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly written as an excuse to try writing Zorin, since I've never really tried to seriously write her. And Jan is here cause he's my emotional support bastard and his presence makes things easier. And also cause I do think, in theory, these 2 could have a fun dynamic
> 
> Sorry for titling this,,, Like That, but listen. We all know if there was smth going on between these 2... well... *smirk emoji*


End file.
